Have you ever told God “No,” or “I
don't think so,” or “Not right now?” I sure have! But, God always seems to have
a have a different plan, doesn't he? My name is Melissa and my husband, Brian,
and I have five children; two of them are adopted from Ukraine. This is our
story of how God took my no and turned it into something beyond what I even
could even imagine.
In 2010 a friend told me about New
Horizons for Children (www.newhorizonsforchildren.org), an international hosting
program that brings orphaned children from Eastern Europe to America for six
weeks over the summer. These children are fostered by Christian families all
across the country and are taught the love of Jesus Christ and a family. I was
sure that my husband would not agree given the cost involved and the fact that
we already had three children between the ages six and nine, but I figured that
if it was meant to be, that God would take care of it.
I showed my husband the NHFC website
with photos of children available for hosting. At first he didn't say yes or
no. We talked about what gender and age child we might be interested in hosting
for the summer, and discovered that there were not any children that fit “our”
criteria, so we tried to just put it out of our minds. However, neither of us
could take our eyes off the faces of the beautiful children we had seen on the
website. In fact, we were drawn to the same pair of siblings without even
discussing with with the other.
A few months later, Dennis and
Snezhana arrived in the US, with approximately 150 other children for the
summer hosting program. Dennis, was seven at the time and had been diagnosed
with mild cerebral palsy. His half-sister Snezhana, was 14 at the time. It was
an amazing summer! Our children bonded with them immediately! Extended family
got to meet them and everyone agreed that they should become part of our
family. Thus began the roller coaster ride known as international adoption.
The first testing of our faith actually
occurred during the hosting program. We discovered that they had two more
siblings back in Ukraine – an 11-year-old brother and a 5-year-old sister! That
was followed by the distressing news that they had been separated and living at
different orphanages for the past three years! If we were to reunite these
children and adopt all four of them, that would mean seven children, nearly
doubling the size of our family!
I tried to tell God, “NO!” Seven
children – I couldn't possibly do that! But, over the
next few days my heart would begin to change, as we sought God's guidance. You
see, I was adopted when I was 3, and my sister only 18 months, by the same
family. I simply could not bear the thought of separating the children
permanently by adopting two and leaving two behind. I struggled with this
deeply, but my husband felt very differently about it. He was delighted at the
possibility, as he had always wanted to have a large family. Finally, I
submitted to God's leading that we should reunite the children by adopting all
four of them.
The first step was to get a home
study. We contacted a few agencies, and discovered that going from three
children to seven in one adoption could be more difficult than we first
imagined. We were finally able to find an agency that works with larger
Christian families, America World Adoption Association (www.awaa.org), and got started.
Known as a “paper pregnancy,” the
home study process is quite comprehensive. They obtained information about
nearly every aspect of our lives. Then there was a series of meetings between
our family and the social worker for more in depth interviews, and of course a
visit to our home to make sure we could proper accommodate seven children.
With the home study complete, a
dossier would now be complied, which can take several months to complete. This
consistents of approximately 30 documents that must be notarized, then sealed
by the state, and finally sent overseas to the foreign government for processing.
God moved mountains for us time and time again during the U.S. side of the
adoption process. We sailed through everything in record time, only being able
to say, “It was all God!” We left for Ukraine in December of 2010, just 4
months later!
However, our faith and resolve was
put to the test at every turn once we arrived in Ukraine. Nothing seemed to be
going “according to plan.” We felt like we were persevering and following God's
path, when we were blind sided by something we had not even considered – One of
the children we had hosted did not want to be adopted!
Snezhana, then age 15, was unable to
leave her relatives, friends, and boyfriend behind to start a new life with a
family in America. Dennis, however wholeheartedly wanted to come home with us!
We were afraid of what Snezhana's decision might mean for all of us. The other
two siblings both decided that they did not want to be adopted by us. We were
after all total strangers from another country, who did not speak their
language, and their oldest sister would not be coming home with us. Honestly, I
cannot blame them, and can only imagine what must have been going through their
minds.
We however, were heartbroken, and
began to question what it had all been for. Why had we gone through all of this,
just to come to Ukraine and possibly return empty handed? But, empty handed was
not what God had planned for us.
On December 31, 2012, we went to
court. Due to Dennis' cerebral palsy, the courts in Ukraine decided that it was
in his best interest to be separated from his siblings and be adopted by us.
They felt we could give him better medical care and that he would thrive in a
loving family environment. On New Year's Day, my husband returned to the U.S.,
while I remained in Ukraine alone, to complete the rest of the adoption
process.
After court there was a 10-day
waiting period, during which someone in Ukraine can appeal the decision and
file for custody of the child – typically this is when the birth parents or
other family members could show up and claim the child. It was a very scary 10
days for me to just sit there and wait. I was able to visit with our new son at
the orphanage most days, but holidays and weekends were difficult for me.
Finally, the wait was over! On January 11,
2011, I took custody of Dennis, and we left the orphanage for good. It was a
tearful goodbye with his half-sister, but we told her she could visit him in
America next summer during the hosting program. From here the crazy paper chase
began – new birth certificate, passport, medical visit, Embassy visits, and
finally we obtained his visa. A week later we would be headed home for good!
But, during that last week while I
was still in Ukraine with Dennis, something else amazing happened. Back home,
Brian received an email with a link to the NHFC children that were not being
adopted by their Christmas host families, and therefore would be available for
summer hosting. A 14-year-old girl, name Anya, had caught his attention. Anya
had been in America during the Christmas hosting program, with a family in
Georgia. They were not ready to pursue adoption, so her photo was up on the
website, along with about 50 other children who would be available for summer
hosting.
Being that I was on the other side
of the world completing our adoption, Brian did not bring her to my attention;
however, God did! I received that same email, and was also drawn to Anya. In
the same manner as we had chosen Dennis and Snezhana, God had worked
independently in our hearts and brought us both to Anya before we had even
discussed it with each other!
As only God could orchestrate, Anya
was coming into Kiev from Christmas hosting the night before I was to leave to
bring Dennis home. On January 16, 2011, Dennis 8th birthday, we met
Anya at the train station in Kiev! This was literally just hours before we
would board our plan home. So, I brought Dennis home the next day and we
contemplated what to do next.
As we transitioned Dennis into our
home, we found him to be fairly consistent with what the adoption training
textbooks said. The primary thing we saw right away was age regression. While
he was in the body of an eight year old boy, he often behaved as our biological
children had during the ages of two to four years of age. The language barrier
and his developmental delays made things a bit more difficult than a domestic
adoption because it was often hard to determine if he truly understood what was
going on. And, during times when he would cry or have a tantrum, he would be
unable to communicate with us what was upsetting him.
Within a few months, however he had
moved out of the toddler phase and onto about age four or five. Tantrums had
subsided and he was eating and sleeping regularly. We were able to enroll him
in the ELL (English Language Learners) program in our local public school, a
specialized language aid program for students whose native language is not
English. Dennis absolutely loved school immediately! His education in Ukraine
had been non-existent, but by the end of the school year, he could count to 30,
say the alphabet, and write his name – all things he had not been able to do in
his native language!
Summer arrived and Dennis was
looking forward to seeing his half-sister again. We had already invited Snezana
to come stay with us for the hosting program again, and she agreed. Knowing
that she did not want to be adopted, but that we had more room in our home,
family, and hearts for more children, we decided to invite Anya (the girl we
met in Kiev) to say with us for the summer hosting program as well.
It was definitely an interesting
summer, with two teenage girls, but by the end, Anya had expressed her desire
to be adopted. Little did she know that we had already planned to adopt her
even before she arrived. God has stirred in our hearts the desire to adopt her,
even though we had only met once, so our paperwork was already in Ukraine – all
she needed to do was say, “Yes!”
Roughly 6 weeks later, in September
2011, we returned to Ukraine for Anya. She changed her name to Amber Noelle,
(her birthday being the day after Christmas) and we brought her home in October
2011. Within a month she was enrolled in the ELL program, and was making new
friends. In December she turned 15, and had her first sleep over birthday
party. Within a few months of being home, we had already visited with two other
families who have adopted teen girls from Ukraine, and live only a few hours
away. We found a Russian speaking church, which we attend once a month, so she
can connect with those who speak her native tongue, and stay in touch with her
Eastern European heritage.
We heard from friends and also read
that transitioning an older teenager can be quite a challenge, but we have
truly been blessed to have encountered very little resistance or rebellion,
thus far. To date, she has been home 8 months, and though she had her stubborn
days and teenage attitudes, she has bonded well with us and her siblings. We
are looking forward to many more years together as a new larger family!
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