Basically the plan works where the kids get cards to do stuff (clean, walk dogs, etc) if they break rules and rewards ($) if they obey during the day. It works fine for Sam but he's already compliant most of the time... pretty much any "system" works on him. We don't use it on Dennis cause it is too complicated for him to comprehend.
I have a couple issues with the cards but the fundamental issue is it takes too much time to deal with. You track the cards, check the work, stay on top of dawdling, etc. We've even instituted a 15min minimum time but that still requires disruptions over 12 times an hour as long as the kids have cards. I'm actually sure the system works fine for a stay at home parent but I get the kids off in the morning, work 50hrs+ per week from home, try to get the kids through their homework when they get home, half the time make dinner, and get the kids ready & in bed nearly nightly... besides taking care of the house and stuff outside. Not complaining, I enjoy it and being busy... but loss of privileges/toys, timeouts, grounding, and appropriately addressing outright defiance are much more immediate and efficient. This having to administer a program every 3-5 minutes just doesn't fit.
I finally gave up after 4 straight days of my oldest being difficult, ignoring the cards, and being snaughty... I "broke" the family rules guide to confront the behavior directly -- not just say "you earned a card for xyz" and write it down -- and within 30 seconds she had snapped out of it and was compliant... apologizing, hugging me, asking for forgiveness, and agreeing to try to work on the "family rules" program -- and no it did not involve a spanking. She is typically my biggest helper and since starting this system I've yet to ben able to get her back "on track" once she starts misbehaving. She is the girl that will find any possible way to manipulate a system.... she's really smart in that mischievous kind of way... I love that girl, she's a blast when she wants to be and a challenge when she doesn't! :)
I'm hoping we can work out cards that take an hour to complete or more. I think they actually enjoy the "positive action" cards too much and I'm not sure they aren't an incentive to actually misbehave to get cards. Even the "hard" cards like cleaning the shower have no teeth to them since they sometimes go through the cards frequently enough to where it hasn't had the chance to get dirty. I'm thinking one of those nazi prison camp tortures... moving a pile of dirt from one end of the yard to the other... of course I'm guessing my oldest would decide that looking busy outside in the sun all day was ok every day... maybe even get really dirty for fun :)
A) You need to read the book to understand the logic behind the plan - it is the opposite of traditional parenting styles (lecturing, spanking, getting upset w/kids, yelling, grounding, etc.) and if you're not behind it then none of it makes sense
ReplyDeleteB) Yes, it does take A LOT of work by the parents and again you need to read the book to understand HOW to implement it. No, it is not meant for stay at home moms, but thanks for trying!
C) The cards are not meant to be "punishments" - they are POSITIVE ACTIONS you want the kids to learn rather than the NEGATIVE BEHAVIORS are they exhibiting (ie breaking the rules). These don't have to be cleaning, they can be exercise related, good habits like playing with a pet or a siblings, etc.