First Day with the Kids

Well ... today definitely could have gone better ... but it could have gone worse. I know you all what to know exactly what happened, so I will get to those details in a minute.

Snezhana (through tears) said she did not know if she wanted to be adopted. Clearly she is quite torn about this decision. Basically, we're stuck until she decides, or time runs out. We cannot go back to the SDA for the referral for the other 2 siblings until we get a decision from these two. The referral lasts for 10 day and then we have to process their answers as either yes or no. We do not have 10 days to wait this out, but on day 1 we're not going to push too hard - clearly she is already torn about this decision.

The director asked if she would let Denis go without her and she said yes. We were asked if we would take Denis without her. We said we really wanted her to come, but we understood it was her decision, and in the end if she still says no, then yes we would take Denis without her. She asked a very odd question and I'm not sure why ... she asked if maybe Brian wanted to adopt Denis more and if I wanted to adopt Snezhana more. Maybe it was because of the way we greeted them, but I'm not really sure what that was all about. Brian very clearly said we love them both and want to adopt them both equally.

New jacket and hat for Denis

So ... details from today ...

We set our alarm for 6:30am as we had to leave at 7:15. We didn't need the alarm because I was awake at 4:30am and couldn't get back to sleep. About 10 'till 6 I finally got out of bed and started getting ready; I made some instant coffee (which tasted horrid) and ate yogurt and a banana.

We left about 7:20am and it was snowing lightly (which it did on and off all day). The roads were wet and slushy, and quite bumpy, but we made it safely to the inspectors office. He was not there, so we waited for a few minutes and our regional facilitator "S" chatted with the women in the "cozy" office next door.

Inspector arrived and took us into his office. He looked at the referral and wanted to know why the SDA only gave us the referral for these 2 and not all 4. (This is very odd to everyone else we've talked to, so we'll end up having to explain this to everyone along the way). He asked if we wanted to adopt all 4 - we said yes. After we got over that hurdle, he browsed through our dossier. He asked us some questions about where we lived & worked, if the economy had impacted us or our jobs, if we had enough room in our house for 7 children, if we were emotionally and financially stable enough for a large family & why we wanted so many children.

He gave us the regional referral we needed to get into the orphanage and we had to wait a few minutes while the ladies next door processed it. He showed quite an interest in the photo album we brought with us. Most of the photos from hosting. The rest were the major events of our family since the kids went back to Ukraine - end of summer activities, Halloween, Thanksgiving, decorating for Christmas, etc. And, as we were told to provide, photos the outside of the house, all the bedrooms, the family room and the basement/play area. He recognized a couple of the adults that we also hosted - not a big surprise as he works with them in this region.

We were done by 8:40am.



While we were waiting, he got a call and then told us that the director at the orphanage (which is across the street and less than 1 block away) would not be in the office until 10:30am, even though she knew we were coming first thing this morning. We told "S" that it was not a surprise, as she likes to "play games" and give adopting families a difficult time. We had over 1.5 hrs to wait so we went to the notary to get a power of attorney from each of us to "S" in order to process the paperwork in the region and court documents, etc. We dropped of those papers and went to get coffee/late breakfast. We went back to the notary to pick it up about 10:30 and then down down the street to the front door of the orphanage.

At the orphanage we sat in the waiting room for about 10 minutes before she called us into her office. For those families coming behind us to this place, we can give you the details of the gifts we gave her! :) She was not overly friendly or overly mean/grumpy. She looked mostly at us when she spoke, but "S" translated everything back and forth. She again asked us why the referal was only for these 2 and we explained it again. She also thought it was strange. She asked us a few questions relating to the children and where we worked, etc. and then she called for the children to be brought.

Papa and Denis working on puzzles

Snezhana was first and I greeted her with a big hug - both of us (me and her) holding back tears. She also have Brian a quick hug. She sat between us and a teacher had come with her and sat across the table; but said nothing the entire time. In the room now was the director, a woman from the inspectors office, our facilitator, both of us and Snezhana. This must have seemed overwhelming to her.

The director chit chatted with her while we waited a few minutes for Denis. Brian greeted him with a big hug. I was on the other side of Snezhana and couldn't really get up to hug him, but I talked to him and he smiled back at me. The conversation was mostly between the director and Snezhana, but she did ask Denis if he knew us and he said he did. She asked what our names were and Snezhana answered Brian and Melissa. She asked if they knew why we were here. At times the woman from the inspectors office would chime in. S translated just about everything for us.

The director seemed to be "coaching" her as she asked her if she had been visited by anyone while she had been living here. She said yes, her maternal grandmother and aunt. She asked if her mother had ever visited and she said no. She asked her how long ago grandma had been to visit and it was last week. She asked how many times and she said maybe 6 or 7 in the past 3 years. No further questions/comments about the aunt.

She asked Snezhana if she was scared about learning English and going go school in America - of course she said yes. We had already addressed this with the director during our interview w/out the kids. S told Snezhana that we had already talked with the school and worked some issues out and we would talk to her about it more later.

After a couple of other questions she asked her outright if she wanted to be adopted. She started tearing up and playing with her scarf and looking down. She mumbled some answers which mostly amounted to "I don't know if I want to be adopted." When asked why, she said because she has a grandma and aunt here and because she is scared to go to school in America. The director asked her to stop crying because it would be her decision and we would not force her to do anything she didn't want to do.


The director than began to question Denis. He perked right up! He responded "DA," which means yes, to everything right away ... no hesitation ... no questions. She asked him if he had thought "good" about it (my guess is similar to "have you thoroughly considered this") and he said "DA" again with a smile. I knew he would be ready! :)

More about our time with the kids in my next post ... along with more photos!

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